Dark Night of the Soul

God has been waking me up in the middle of the night usually around 4:00 or 4:30 AM. My question is Why? Why can't we have this conversation during the day? But I hear Him gently say, you'll be distracted this way I can have your full attention.  

The things He is telling me is that it's OK to have my feelings and to feel them and to express them, but I can't stay there. I cannot let my feelings rule me. There are days when the emotions seem overwhelming; other days it's like there's a committee up there having an argument. And still other days where it feels like a giant knot of thoughts, feelings, and emotions that cannot be entangled. But in the stillness of the night, somehow, He untangled it all. Like taking the knot of jewelry that has gotten knotted together, He carefully and patiently separates them each and every one. They are delicate and they are individual, and yet they are a part of what I'm going through.  

It has been scary to put my feelings down on paper, trying to express something so others can understand. I think cancer is a crazy thing that's hard to comprehend unless you go through it. Yet when I decided to do this blog, I told Molly that I did not want it to be just about cancer. I have so many friends who are struggling with various things such as infertility, being a caretaker for a loving spouse is declining, a grandchild who is struggling mentally and emotionally, still others with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, just to name a few.  

God can be and will be in the midst of it all. He has come to take away our fears and our sadness. He's come to sit with us in the mire as we try to muffle through each day and figure out what's going on.  

He has all the answers; I have none. 

He is sovereign and in control; I am not.  

He can see the big picture; I am blind. 

But somewhere in the night, He comforts me and gives me songs that only He can sing to soothe my heart to encourage me and bring me hope  

Oh, what a mighty God we serve.